John Bull and Louis Napoleon

1.  Now Jonathan was the genius that ruled the destinies of the Yankee Nation, and unto him was given all power, so that even Abraham himself was his subject.

2.  And Jonathan took to wife a goddess, even the Goddess of Liberty, who weareth the starry banner, and ruleth with heavenly justice.

3.  And Liberty bare unto Jonathan Industry, and Intelligence, and Wealth, and Population, and Free Speech, and Religion, and many other sons and daughters.

4.  Now it came to pass that John, whose surname is Bull, and who dwelleth over the sea, and presideth over the destinies of the British, saw the warfare among the people of Jonathan.

5.  He opened his mouth and roared unto Jonathan, saying, "Hit his himpossible, oh Johnathan, to conquer such hexcellent harmies.'

6.  But Jonathan answered, and said unto John, Of a truth, nothing is impossible with us, my dear fellow, for verily that is a word unknown to us Yankees.

7.  Then cometh the Emperor of the French unto John, and boweth a low bow, and stroketh his moustache, and sayeth,

8.  Let us speak unto Jonathan, and command him that he withdraw his armies from enforcing the Rebels, for truly my people and thine are in great need of cotton, and of divers things from the Land of Dixie.

9.  But how shall we obtain these things, while Jonathan permitteth Abraham to blockade the ports of the ocean, and prevent the ships that they can not come forth unto us.

10.  Moreover, is not Jefferson near unto thee, and doth not thy soul yearn to protect him and his people.

12.  Then answered John, Thou speakest true, oh Louis, but peradventure when we speak hunto Johnathan 'e will not 'ear us, but hanswer us shortly, hand tell us to 'tend to our business.

14.  Louis answered, and said, If he do this we will join together our war ships, and go forth, and compel him that he do this thing, even as we desire.

15.  Then John raiseth up his hands and cryeth, Verily, Louis, thou knowest not what thing thou adviseth, for as my soul liveth, I would not contend with the Yankee.

16.  For his gunboats are powerful, and his cannon are 'orrid, and there is no hinfernal hinstrument that he 'ath no hinvented.

17.  I remember his strength in the days of his childhood, and I cannot forget him in the days of his manhood.

18.  Now when Louis heard the words of John, he was much disappointed, and before he departed he spake once more saying,

19.  If thou wilt not join me in this thing, oh John, let me entreat thee at least to promise that thou wilt yield no sympathy unto Jonathan, but let thy love be rather unto Jefferson, who is our friend.

20.  An John promised with many oaths that he would love Jefferson, and hat Jonathan.  And he did according as he had promised.

21.  Howbeit Jonathan cared little, but said unto himself, If John wisheth to love Jefferson he may, but if John intermeddleth with the plans that I have made,

22.  Perhaps I may sail over the ocean with a small fleet, even a few of the gunboats that I have made.

23.  And, peradventure, I will carry away the Island whereon John dwelleth, and cause it to be set down in the place of Virginia, which hath become desolate.

24.  So who knoweth, but that in the hands of Providence and myself, England may be turned from the ways of the heathen, and learn to follow after righteousness.

NOTE from Jayne:  I didn't skip any verses, they are numbered just as they are in the book.


Grierson's Splendid Ride.

1.  Now there was a brave Colonel, whose name was Grierson, who was a commander of five hundred horsemen.

2.  And all these were valiant men, who feared no danger, but rejoiced in the din or war, and in the peril of conflict.

3.  Now Grierson called unto his men with a loud voice, and said, Let us go down into the midst of the Land of Dixie, even through the heart of Mississippi.

4.  And let us destroy the stores of the Rebels, and lay waste their fields, and cut up their railways, and do all manner of harm unto them, for they are our enemies.

5.  Now when the horsemen heard this they were glad, and sprang each man to his saddle, saying,

6.  Lead us whithersoever thou wilt, for we will follow, and we will obey the words of thy voice.

7.  And they rode in sixteen days, even from La Grange, which is in the land of Tennessee, to Baton Rouge, which is in the land of Louisiana, and the whole distance was one score and nine leagues.

8.  And they destroyed many bridges, and culverts, and trains of cars, and depots, and locomotives, and railroads, and telegraphs, even as Stoneman had done in the land of Virginia.

9.  And when they drew nigh unto the river Pearl they made great haste, that they might come unto the bridge and cross over, for they feared the Rebels would destroy the bridge, for it was rumored that the Yankees were in the land.

10.  Now when they came unto the bridge, behold, the pickets of the Rebels had begun to tear the bridge, but the horsemen drove them away, and quickly repaired the bridge, and passed over in safety.

11.  And they said, Surely the good Providence brought us to the bridge in time, that we should accomplish that whereunto we are commanded.

12.  Now, on the twenty-seventh day of the month, and about the seventh hour, they came to a certain ferry, but they could not cross the ferry, for the boat was in the other side of the stream.

13.  Then came down on of the tribe of Carolina, and spake unto them in the language of Dixie (for he knew not that they were Yankees), and asked if they would cross over.

14.  And one spake to the Carolinian, and answered him in his own language, saying, Behold, we are of the tribe of Alabama, and we would that thou shouldst send they boat hither, that we may cross, even to the other side.

15.  Now the Carolinian was deceived, and he caused the boat to be brought over, and they did enter into the boat and cross over, every man.

16.  After this came five-and-thirty of the soldiers of Grierson, unto a place which is called Newton.

17.  Now the Captain over the five-and-thirty was a brave man, and fear had not entered into his heart.

18.  And this Captain said, Lo! I will go unto this town and make its people captive.  And he went up boldly and demanded the town, that they should surernder unto him in the name of Grierson, the Colonel.

19.  Now, behold, there were three thousand Rebel soldiers in that place, howbeit, the Captain knew it not at the first.

20.  So when the Commander of the Rebels said, Give us an hour that we may consider.  The Captain replied, An hour I cannot give thee until I have counselled with the reserve, --them first must I see.

21.  And the Captain and those that were with him went away hastily, and returned, not that they might take the city, for they desired not to take captive three thousand Rebels.

22.  And the reserve of which the Captain had spoken was not, for the words he had used were a ruse by which he might escape.


Grand Charge on Vicksburg

1.  Now on the twenty-second day of the fifth month, which is called May, Ulysses commanded all his Generals that they should advance upon the city of Vicksburg, and storm it.

2.  And he wrote also to David, the servant, of Gideon, that he should also fire upon the city with the mighty cannon of his gunboats.

3.  For David was Admiral of the Squadron of the Mississippi, and commanded the vessels that guarded the waters of the great River.

4.  Now when the third hour had come, there was a terrible onset, and from that hour the noise of battle was like unto thunder.

5.  As the lion springeth upon his prey, so rushed the hosts of Ulysses upon the strong walls of the Rebels.

6.  And the clashing of swords was heard in the midst of the conflict, and the bursting of shells and the booming of cannon.

7.  And the voice of command rose o'er the din of the battle, urging the valiant heroes to break down the walls of the Rebels, and lay waste the strongholds of Vicksburg.

8.  And the gunboats of David ceased not to trouble the city, but sent forth from their great guns their swift balls of destruction.

9.  But when the evening had come, behold, Vicksburg was not yet taken, and Ulysses commanded that the soldiers should withdraw them from the fight.

10.  And a great multitude had fallen in the battle, so that sorrow was great in the tents of Ulysses.

11.  And when the darkness of the night came on the rain fell, and gloom overshadowed the hearts of the soldiers, so that many lifted up voices of lamentation and mourning.

12.  And some were faint hearted and full of fear, and desired to depart away from before the strong city, for they hoped not that they should finally triumph.

13.  But Ulysses was stout of heart, and spake cheerfully unto the soldiers, and said, Lo! though we have not yet taken this stronghold of traitors,

14.  Yet will we surely prevail if ye have patience and valor, for now am I determined to lay siege to the city.

15.  And as my soul liveth, I will not abandon this work until Pemberton yieldeth, and until the city acknowledge that we are stronger than they.

16.  Now while Ulysses continued to lay siege to the city of Vicksburg, Nathaniel, who is also called Banks, drew night unto a place which is called Port Hudson.

17.  Now Port Hudson was a stronghold of the Rebels, and was upon a high place, even upon the banks of the Father of Waters, like unto the stronghold of Vicksburg.

18.  And Nathaniel set his army in array against the batteries of the Rebels, and the charge of the soldiers was like unto the sweep of the whirlwind.

19.  And many gunboats also fired upon the forts from the River; and for Admiral, who is called Farragut, had come up that he might assist Nathaniel.

20.  But when the battle had lasted many days, the strong place had not fallen, and Nathaniel did even as Ulysses had done as the city of Vicksburg.

22.  For Nathaniel saw that the strong place could not be taken by assault, but that surely it would yield to the power of hunger.


Arbitrary Arrests

1.  Now it came to pass that when Clement had been arrested and many others both of the race of Copperheads and Butternuts.

2.  Because of their much speaking against Abraham and the acts that he had done, and because of the words which they said against joining the army.

3.  That a great multitude of Democrats were gathered together, even at the capital of the land of New York, which is called the Empire State.

4.  And when they had assembled themselves they appointed from their number some of the wisest who should write Resolutions.

5.  Now these wise ones went out and wrote many sayings, and returned unto the meeting, and read all that they had written.

6.  And the multitude were well pleased with the writing of the wise men, and they lifted up their voices and with one accord shouted "Bully."

7.  Now the sayings that the wise men had written in the Resolutions were pompous, and like unto those things, which--in the tongue of the vulgar--were gassy.

8.  And the wise men professed much love for the nation, nevertheless they said many hard things of works that Abraham had done, blaming him because he had permitted Clement to be arrested.

9.  For they said, truly Clement did not any overt thing, but spake only words of truth and soberness concerning Abraham and Burnside, neither did he do any treason.

10.  Which things are also proper to be spoken, for Daniel the Prophet hath said, surely "it is the ancient and undoubted prerogative of this people to canvass public measures and the merits of men."

11.  Now when the wise men had written these Resolutions, and many speeches had been made, they sent a letter unto Abraham, and enclosed therein the Resolutions.

12.  When Abraham received the letter, he replied unto the wise men, with words of honest and candor, and showed the deceit of their hears and their flimsy pretenses.

13.  For Abraham had searched the Scriptures and knew well how to take the crafty in his own net as well as to answer the fool according to his folly.


Death of Jackson

1.  Now in the midst of the battles on the river Rappahannock, fell Jackson, who was also called Stonewall, for he was like unto a bulwark and a strong defense unto his people.

2.  And there was none like unto him in all the land of the Rebels, for he was a just man and feared God and obeyed his commandments.

3.  Only in one thing did he sin against Heaven, and in one thing did the voice of the Evil One allure him.

4.  For he heard not the Gospel which commandeth to open the doors of the prison, and to let the captive go free.

5.  Nevertheless when he departed away out of the land of the living, his praise was in the mouth of all people, both those whom he had led on to the battle and those with whom he contended.

6.  And the people in the land of the South mourned many days, putting on sackcloth and ashes, and weeping sorely for the loss of their leader.

7.  Crying aloud in the streets, who is like unto Jackson, and where shall we seek for another like unto him.

8.  For great was his skill, and his courage was as the courage of a lion; swift was he to pursue the foe but great was his love to his brethren.

9.  Now after this there was great despondency in the armies of the Rebels, for they found o leader like unto Jackson.

10.  And about this time there was a season of rest in all the armies, both of the Union and of Rebeldom,

11.  Except in the Army of Ulysses, which rested not, but labored both by day and by night to overthrow the strong walls of Vicksburg.

12.  But the Army of Rosecrans moved not in the land of Tennessee, and all remained quiet on the River Potomac.

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